"My little sister once told my mom, 'You're not very attractive.' And when my mom looked obviously hurt, she went, 'What? I mean I'm just saying. You need to lose weight and stuff.' She was 7 years old at the time.
This most likely came from the fact that my mom had said that she needed to lose weight and was going on a diet. And my mom was self-conscious about her weight at the time, and she knew that my sister didn't understand the power behind what she was saying. But still. It cut deep.
My mom would always say, 'You're being ugly' or 'Don't be ugly' when my sister was being mean when she was little. Because of that, whenever a kid was being mean to her at school, she would cry and yell, 'SHE'S SO UGLY!'"
"My nephew once said something to me I'll never forget and I thought was hurtful.
About four or five years ago, my father was seriously ill with pneumonia, chest infection and recently had a couple of heart attacks among numerous other things. He was in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) where you had to wear mask, apron, wash your hands every other second all that jazz, anyway I'm going off track.
We were visiting one day, me my mother, sisters with their SOs, aunt, nieces, nephews etc., and one of the doctors pulled us into a small room and told us the situation with my father. To spare all the jargon, it was basically, 'It's not looking good' and they gave him a 10% chance of recovery. Seeing that we were devastated and many of us in tears he leaves us in the room to come to terms with it all.
Skip forward an hour and were in the waiting room, taking turns, two by two, to go inside and visit him. While my mother and auntie were inside, we were all sitting around, just passing the time. Meanwhile, my youngest nephew was playing with another child who was there, getting along fine when (being that brat that he was) he had a little falling out with the other kid and decided to steal one of the boy's toys and come back over to us. Being the only one to see this, I called him out on it and made him take it back and apologize. Having been shamed in front of everyone, he came back over towards me and out of nowhere screamed, 'YOUR DAD'S DEAD,' in a waiting room full of strangers, his parents, cousins, and his auntie. I guess at the time he didn't realize it was his mother's dad as well as his auntie's.
Needless to say, the room instantly fell silent. Mouths were open and without making a sound, my sister (his mother) and her husband grabbed him and took him straight out of the room, I assume to not upset the other visitors while tearing him a new one, so to speak. When they came back, he didn't say another word all day."
"My step-daughter (Jen) once got angry and very smug and matter-of-factly told me, 'I don't have to listen to you; you're not my real dad.' Her mom (Ashley) was standing right there and almost stepped in, but I intervened and said that Jen had the right to express her views however she wanted.
I calmly and quietly got up from the table and went to Jen's bedroom and started taking items off the shelves and out of the dresser and closet. I began piling them up outside her door and packing things into bags and boxes. Jen ran to the room when she heard the noise and screamed, 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH ALL MY STUFF?!?'
I calmly told her that I wasn't her real dad and felt bad about trying to pretend to be. I wanted to treat her as such, so in fairness, I was going to take back all the things I bought her in the past few years and allow her to keep things her real dad bought her, or have him replace them.
She stood in the middle of her empty bedroom; TV, TV stand, DVD player, DVD's, Super Nintendo, bed (including sheets, comforter, stuffed animals, etc), toys, dresser, and clothes removed. Only a few clothing items and a stuffed animal or two remained and she stood around in shock and awe.
After I left the room and went about my business like nothing happened, Jen came to find me. She walked up, gave me a hug, and thanked me for everything I had provided her. She also apologized for being mean and saying hurtful things. That's the day that she learned that being a parent is more than just biological, and despite me not being her 'real dad,' I provided more for her and her sister than her bio-dad ever did.
I know it sounds extreme, and I know some parents out there are going to vilify me for the way I handled the whole thing, but the bottom line is this: she never used the 'real dad' line against me again, always thanked me for providing for and supporting her in whatever she did, and respected me in general more knowing that I CHOSE to love and provide for her, rather than doing so because I HAD to, and treating her and her needs as a burden."
"My daughter said that every trait she hates in herself was passed down from me, such as being short, having heavier legs and hips, having a 'fat face.'
She also said because of my gene pool, she lives in fear of having high blood pressure and diabetes. She never mentions any positive traits my side of the family has, such as artistic and musical abilities, being successful business people, or being highly respected and admired in their communities.
When she says she hates my traits in her, she is essentially saying she hates me."
"I was guilty of being a terrible teenage girl when I was 16. I'm going to preface this with the fact that my mom passed when I was 11 years old, and I had a lot of trouble with it. So once, when I was about 16, my father told me to clear the table for dinner and for some reason or another I just didn't want to do it, and we ended up yelling at each other. I ended the fight by stopping cold and simply saying, 'We haven't eaten together at the table in five years.' The second I said it I wanted to take it back, it was obvious how much it hurt him. I still feel bad almost four years later.
Our relationship got a lot better once I got over myself in high school. I love my dad more than anything, and I feel bad when I think about it because I know it was awful and I'm embarrassed I acted that way.
I'll never forget it. It helps me remember that other people can be hurting too and it's not okay to just lash out or deal out low blows to make myself feel better. So I still feel bad, yes, but I've definitely grown and matured since I was 16."
"When I was about 11 years old, there was a trial going on about a father who was violating his daughters. Preteen me didn't 'get it, and while I knew that offense was bad, I had no idea what it actually entailed.
I refused to hug my father from that day on and when he called me out on it, I told him that I didn't want him to violate me. That's the first of only two times I've ever seen my father cry. Didn't bother little jerk me, I didn't hug him again until I was 14.
Ten years later, I still can't believe how awful that was. I can safely say that scenario is my biggest regret. He's alive and I see him at least once a week, but to be perfectly honest, it's a little late to apologize for that.
The second (and last) time I've seen my father cry was when I told him that I was violated my freshman year of college. He's always been protective but since then it's only intensified (for good reason) and he gets upset at the thought of people hurting either my sister or myself.
He's the greatest man I've ever met and the idea of hurting him more is just heartbreaking."
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"I feel terrible about it now, but my mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was around 15 years old. It was around that time that my grandparents gave me a couple thousand dollars in Chinese New Year money. My mom decided to keep it to save for college, but back then, I was trying to get myself a gaming computer since I was still stuck with a 7-year-old PC.
We got into this huge argument, screaming and all. After maybe about an hour, I just yell at her, 'I hope you die from cancer.'
We didn't really speak for another month afterward, but eventually, I apologized and in hindsight, I hate myself for even thinking that. I'm in college now, and I definitely appreciate all the things my parents do for me. Our relationship is way better and thankfully, my mom was able to beat her cancer a year or two after that incident."
"My mom and sister were fighting one time and my sister brought up the fact that my mom dropped out of high school. She didn't have a very good upbringing and had to start working as a teenager to support herself.
I remember her referring to my mom as 'Mrs. ninth-grade education,' and my 16-year-old sister telling her, 'God, even I have more education than you.'
I swear, I could feel my mom's hurt through the air."
"My older sister, upon moving out, told my father (she has a different bio dad) that she hated him. He bought her her first car, laptop, and worked so hard so that her college fund was never touched, despite having hard times. All this because he was strict and wouldn't let her out with the bad crowd, who she later admitted had her doing crack and drinking and was the reason she blew through her college fund in one summer.
Now I know my father can be an emotionless jerk at times, but he does his best, and he loves kids, especially since he believed he couldn't have kids for the longest time. But there is more than one way to tell a kid you love them and he certainly tried it. He's been through more than anyone deserves to. I remember after my sister revealed she had been violated as a kid (before my mom even met my dad) my mother asked if it was my dad right in front of him and all of us. He had never looked so hurt. She even then went on to ask my sister and I the same question and I could see that he was dying inside. Now my little sister is in the rebellious stage where she says she hates him and wishes he made more money (this while he's paying for a trip to Italy for her this summer) on a near-weekly basis.
I think the worst I've said is that I'll never be good enough for him and that's the reason I cut."
"Shortly after my parents (mom and stepdad) got married, we were celebrating our first Christmas together and decorating the Christmas tree. My step-father, who married my mom the month before, accidentally dropped some Christmas decorations and shattered them. The majority of our Christmas decorations have been accumulated since I was an infant and all of them are extremely old, each with its own story. The decorations he dropped were not particularly relevant to our sentimental collection but in the heat of the moment, I looked at him and said, 'Nice going' and then looked at my mom and said something like, 'Why doesn't he just go ahead and shatter the rest of them.' The look on his face at that moment still haunts me.
In the 15 years they have been married, I have grown to love and respect my stepdad more than my own father. He has always kept his promises, he has helped me when I needed it, he has given me advice, he has explained my homework to me, he jokes around with me, he is an all-around amazing individual and I could never picture him not being in my life. Still to this day, he refuses to help decorate the Christmas tree and every Christmas, it reminds me just how nasty and mean I was in that moment of anger toward him. Not my proudest moment."
"I was 12 years old and had just attempted suicide days prior. I had it in my mind that my parents were partially responsible because they were a lot of the reason I was so depressed and anxious.
I was being shipped to an inpatient facility the next day (my parents had found out that day, but I couldn't be admitted right away). There wasn't much talk at first, but eventually, my mother tearfully told me that I could not do this to her ever again.
I know it was callous and irrational, but I wanted her to hurt. After all, she'd made me hurt. I thought of how my parents put my brother up for adoption because my parents were way too young to have a baby. She and my father had said it was one of the most painful things they ever had to go through.
I replied to her, 'Why? If I do, will you just get rid of me like you did to my brother?'"
"I had a blood pressure spike and my wife had to drive me (and our two kids) to the ER. My 6-year-old son said on the way out the door, 'Well, if Dad dies, it's OK. We've still got Mom.'
Of course, he doesn't understand death or emergency rooms, but I bet Santa is going to be much better to his big sister come Christmas.
We both knew that the kid wasn't trying to be malicious. He's a great kid. We laugh about how inappropriate his comments are because that's how kids figure stuff out. At this stage in his life, he clings to his mother and isn't shy about expressing his preference. I know that it is normal, don't hold it against him. But it does sting a little at the same time.
We aren't going to punish him at Christmas. That was a joke. It's clearly more satisfying if I play the long game and make the changes to my will."
"I love my dad with all my heart, but we don't always communicate well. We just aren't on a good wavelength.
My brother, however, doesn't even attempt to communicate with my parents. My parents love my brother and me. More than my brother and I will probably ever understand.
My brother is not the ideal son by many and certainly not by my parents' standards. They don't love him any less and still try their hardest to be in his life, to shower him with love and even his two daughters. But he shuts them out.
It all sort of started with my brother just resenting my parents for some reason. He also just had a bad self-image and this has led him down the wrong path many times. It's always made my family sad to see him slip up because he just doesn't value himself as he should.
My dad and I were in a car together talking and well... I didn't mean to but at some point, I said I thought my dad being harsh on my brother as a kid was what made him turn out the way he did.
He didn't cry on the spot. But what happened was much worse and more soul crushing.
My mom called me later when I went back to college. She told me he was up all night and the night following. He had been crying for days straight, blaming himself for his son that he loved so much. He was racked with guilt and shame.
I've never felt so bad. I didn't mean it that way. It wasn't ever even close to his fault. He can't blame himself and I hope he doesn't. It's somehow worse knowing my dad forgives me because I know it's only a sign of how greatly he loves my older brother and me."
"When I was around 4 years old, my mom and her sister decided to take their kids to the fair. We were running towards a fair ride and it had a sign saying no pregnant woman permitted. I turned to my cousin and said, 'They won't let my mom on the ride, they're going to think she's pregnant!' My mom was right behind and I could see on her face how much that hurt. She cried and cried for hours.
Many years later when I was 16, my mom and I got into a huge argument. My mom was yelling at me for the usual teen stuff - bad grades, dirty room. She kept saying, 'When I was your age, my mom NEVER had to tell me to clean my room or study.'
I was getting tired of the comparisons so when she said, 'When I was your age...' again I interrupted her and yelled, 'Why do you try to compare yourself to me like I should aspire to be like you? You were pregnant and not even in school at my age, I don't want to be anything like you.'
I knew immediately I'd messed up bad. She was so stunned, she just stared at me with this hurt look on her face and then quietly walked to her room. I was so angry that I didn't care at first, but two hours later I walked by her room and saw she was still crying and finally my stupid teenage brain allowed itself to feel sympathy and regret. I apologized to her and we hugged.
I think about it every once in a while and feel sad and regretful all over again. Luckily, I doubt my mom even thinks about it anymore and we're best friends now. I treat her like a queen these days, mostly to make up for all the times I treated her like dirt."
Coming from son when he was 3. I'd divorced his father and I was called this quite often by him. My son would say it whenever he didn't get his way. The final time he said it, we were in Walmart. He asked for a toy, I said no, he yelled out, 'Ugly trash.' I said don't you say that! At this point shoppers had stopped to watch me parent. He said it again. I slapped the crap out him, right in the face. The other people clapped, he never said it again. Scary moment!
I didn't know what to think or what was going to happen to me if I smacked him in public, but honestly, I had tried everything to make him stop.
Not my favorite parenting moment. But even recreating it in my head, I still can't think of another way of handling it. I didn't know at the time, but he was ADHD and has a ton of compulsion that comes along with it. I think if I had known then, I may have been more tolerant, but even still, I had tried everything. I guess going back in time, I wouldn't have stayed so long in an abusive relationship. But I can't regret it, that would mean that I wouldn't have my super loving, sweet boy! Just a terrible minute in time that will always be there, but hopefully it didn't leave any lasting effects mentally. As of right now, he is 10, happy, healthy and a fantastic kid that loves his momma! And she loves him to the moon and back."
"My younger brother was adopted from a Russian orphanage when he was 3 years old. Around the age of 8 or 9, whenever my mom asked him to do something (like homework, putting away his toys, not major things) he would tell her, 'In Russia, I wouldn't have to do this,' or 'I bet my Russian family wouldn't make me do this.' He knew that it would make her feel bad and there was no real way of arguing against it. She tried having conversations, timeouts, and bargaining but nothing worked. Finally, after one particularly bad dinner where he refused to eat his dinner because 'he wouldn't have to eat these vegetables in Russia,' my mom snapped and said, 'Fine, you wanted to be treated like you were in Russia, I'll treat you like you are still in Russia.'
She pulled his mattress out of his room and stuck it in the living room, only fed him cabbage and boiled meats, took away all of his toys but one run down teddy bear and some baby toys, made him wash and wear the same clothes every day, and didn't let him watch TV or play video games. And that was a kinder version of what he would have experienced in the orphanage. My brother is super stubborn and lasted about three days before he finally begged my mom for some chicken nuggets and apologized for being a jerk.
You better believe he never did that again."